A Healthy Way to Move On and Embrace What Comes Next

First love is a powerful and unforgettable experience.

It holds a special place in the hearts of many individuals. Its emotional impact can be profound. Some feel it shapes how they see themselves, relationships, love, and life itself.

The euphoria of being in love leads to feelings of joy, intimacy, and vitality.

Yet, with the highs come the lows. Being vulnerable can lead to fear and insecurity. And the loss we experience when the relationship ends may leave us feeling shattered.

Here’s a healthy way to move on and embrace what comes next.

A recent conversation

A young woman asked me a series of questions while we were chatting:

• Q: Do you remember your first love?
  A: Of course, don’t we all?
• Q: Where is she now?
  A: Married to another man.
• Q: Did she love you once too?
  A: Yes, the two of us were each other’s first love. Then her family shifted to another city, and we broke up and went our separate ways.
• Q: Are you two communicating now?
  A: No, honouring their marriage, we don’t communicate.
• Q: Do you think of her often?
  A: No, I may do once in a while. I know we are both happy where each of us is at, so I don’t dwell on it. I am grateful for the time we had together.
• Q: Are you happy?
  A: Yes, most of the time

Her response surprised me:

I’m so glad. Many people hate their first love and want revenge for something. But not you, I admire that.

I replied:

No, she taught me many things about myself, life and love. I was sad when she shifted and we broke up. But time heals those wounds if you let it. I see no point in being bitter.

Her confession

She said she’s still struggling to get over her first love.

We agreed, our first love can have a big impact on us. I asked if she still loved him. She confessed it scares her to think about it …

… although, she tries not to think about it.

What’s helped me

I told her I’ve found a helpful way to think about my past relationships:

I realised my first love and I were very much in love.

Yet, we no longer live in that time. There’s a part of us who are the same people. And another part that isn’t.

We’ve changed and grown apart.

So I leave the two people we were back in that time frame — still together, still in love. And I move on, realising I am not those experiences, I am the experiencer.

And there will be far more experiences to be had — both now and in the future.

She thanked me and said it was helpful … it might help you too.