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3 Questions to Help You Know What’s Important and Move in That Direction

3 Questions to Help You Know What’s Important and Move in That Direction
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Serving others is challenging.

Regardless of how much planning and preparation we do, we can’t always predict what challenges the day may bring.

Below you’ll find three questions to help you know what’s important and move in that direction. They’re about you as the practitioner you are when you sit down with the people you work with — be they individuals, teams, or organisations.

Q1. What’s it like when you’re your ideal practitioner?

Recall a session when everything went well.

Perhaps you’re thinking: I wish everyone can see me. I’m knocking it out of the park.

You know those sessions, right? For me, they don’t happen often. But when they do, I feel like: I’ve got this. I’ve finally figured this out.

Jot down a few words that describe you as your ideal practitioner.

This may feel uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone. Open yourself up to be accused of bragging and put ourselves out there.

Some examples might include:

  • Attuned
  • Present
  • Creative
  • Wise
  • Kind
  • Connected
  • Courageous
  • Playful
  • Intuitive
  • Accepting
  • Engaged
  • Flexible

You may notice some patterns with what you’ve written.

Q2. What’s it like when you’re your worst practitioner?

But if you’re anything like me, it doesn’t always happen like that.

Sometimes, something else happens in our sessions. In New Zealand, we call this turning to custard. In the UK, it’s called going pear-shaped. Things go wrong. Sometimes, horribly wrong.

Jot down a few words that describe you as your worse practitioner.

Here are some examples:

  • Judgemental
  • Frustrated
  • Clunky
  • Shut down
  • Fuzzy
  • Annoyed
  • Thinking of solutions
  • Making assumptions
  • Directive
  • Trying to rescue
  • Stuck
  • Scattered

A tug-of-war

I’ve noticed a tendency within me …

When I have good sessions, I’m like: this is it, this is what I need to do more of. I’ve got it. But when I get it wrong, I’m like: Oh no, I’ve forgotten it all. It’s turning to custard. I’ve got to work hard to improve.

Can you relate to this?

You have some good sessions and some bad ones. You flip-flop between the two. The good is how it should be all the time. The bad is how it shouldn’t be.

But both are going to happen.

Sometimes, I think we have a little less control over how and when those sessions occur. Sometimes, they just catch us. Sometimes, it’s not even about us. There are other variables at work that tip the balance.

Q3. At the end of the day, what really matters to you?

Next, ask yourself, at the heart of being a practitioner, what’s this work all about? What matters to you?

Some examples:

  • Service
  • Partnership
  • Connecting
  • Helping
  • Support
  • Challenge
  • Growth
  • Experience
  • Compassion

Notice the different quality of these. These are potential values, right? They’re different from the ideal and worst.

Reflection

For me, the tug-of-war is always been between not being my worst and striving to be my ideal.

I get tangled up in that struggle and exhausted from that battle. But there’s this third question, a really cool one. What’s it really all about? What do I really want to do here?

Perhaps I can let that be my focus.

An invitation

Here’s my invitation to you:

  • What’s it all really about for you as a practitioner?
  • More specifically, what is it all about today?

If today wasn’t about you being your ideal practitioner. Or if today wasn’t going to get taken over by being your worst practitioner. If today was guided by what really matters to you, and that was on your compass, I wonder:

What would that bring for your experience today?

Note: I learnt the exercise above from Joe Oliver, director of Contextual Consulting — Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Specialists providing high quality ACT Training, Therapy and Supervision.

I highly recommend his books:

Published by:

Karl Palmer